


Flirtin' With Disaster

by italiandancer1275



Series: Supernatural [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester/You - Freeform, F/M, Female reader insert, Hunters, Mystery, POV Original Female Character, Reader-Insert, Sam Winchester/You - Freeform, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:47:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26325877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/italiandancer1275/pseuds/italiandancer1275
Summary: A true turning point for our girl and the Winchesters. Many things are revealed, most of them you'd prefer not to be. But how do you handle it when someone from your past resurfaces and Dean Winchester of all people has to swoop in.Y/N= Your nameY/N/N= Your nickname
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester/You, Dean Winchester/You, Dean/You, Sam Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Sam Winchester/Reader, Sam Winchester/You, Sam/You
Series: Supernatural [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/582799
Kudos: 15





	1. Run

**Author's Note:**

> I've dragged my feet for long enough and I think I've never spent more time with my editor lol. Really glad with how this one turned out! We learn so much about our girl! Please feel free to read and comment! Love you all!

_Run…_

That’s what you had to do. You were going to head back to the motel and pack your crap. You could call Bobby on the way, or not at all, it didn’t matter. You just knew you had to get the hell out of this hospital and fast. You made a B-line to the right, not even trying to avoid the nurse cart and successfully knocking her and it out of the way. Her metal instruments slammed to the floor with a loud _CLANG_ and you pushed your legs harder. The nurse turned to yell but you were long gone. Seeing the elevator, you made a hard left, straight into a doctor, who steadied you. “Is everything okay, miss?” You ripped your arms out of his and finally made it to the open doors. You flipped around and pressed the button continuously, just hoping that it would speed up the process. You saw the doctor getting closer and closer, his steps echoing your heartbeat. Finally, the doors shut and you were alone. You tried to steady your breath with very little success. _You screwed up. Again._

The doors slid open to the lobby and you booked it outside, flagging down the first taxi you saw. Public transportation wasn’t a habit of yours, but you were fresh out of options. You practically yelled the name of the motel to the driver and he looked in the rearview, clearly suspicious of someone who had just fled from a hospital. You didn’t have time to waste, so you pulled your gun. “Just go!” He finally stepped on the gas pedal and you turned to make sure that the automatic doors you had just gone through remained shut. You were in the clear…at least for the moment. _This should've never happened. I should never have gotten involved in the first place. One mistake, dammit, it was one mistake!_

Arriving at your room, you paid the driver and grabbed your lock pick. You didn’t have the room key with you and knowing that the cops were well on their way after the taxi incident, you didn’t have time to spare. You worked faster than you ever had before and the door was practically ripped off its hinges as you slammed it shut behind you. Grabbing your duffel from the corner, you ran into the bathroom and threw all necessary toiletries inside. You made your way over to the couch and just as you were retrieving the gun taped under it, you heard the door thrown back open…

One Day Earlier…

“Awh, Y/N, c’mon that’s gross!” You couldn’t control the laugh that escaped your mouth. Sam’s Christmas present had finally arrived and the two of you spent the entire day in the motel parking lot washing your car and applying the Jurassic Park sticker to the side of your Jeep. There was a silence for just a bit too long before you let immaturity get the best of you. Dipping a single finger into the adhesive, you wiped it on Sam’s face, thus resulting in his outburst. He violently licked his finger and tried to rub it off, you losing it the entire time. At some point even he cracked a smile and there was no going back.

“Okay, okay, fun’s over. We should send a picture of it to Bobby. I bet he’d get a kick out of it.” _Doubt it, but let’s see what happens._ Almost immediately, his name lit up on your phone.

“…Hello…?”

“Y/N/N, what in the hell are you thinking? It’s bad enough I got the boys driving that shiny neon sign around, but now you go and pull this crap? Do you know how easy it would be, _‘Oh yeah officer, she was driving a Jeep with a big Jurassic Park sticker’_. I should smack you senseless for even thinkin’ that was a good idea.” 

“Whoa there, let’s ease down, soldier. I rarely drive this thing much anyway. You know I can cover my ass and—“

“Not if you keep spending time with those morons. Maybe it’s time to go solo again, resharpen those skills a bit. I don’t want those jackasses rubbin’ off on you.” Sam feigned offense and spoke up, “Wow, Bobby, tell us how you really feel.”

“I feel like you lot are just a buncha idgits who need a good kick in the ass!” You and Sam just stared at each other until he cracked a smile and both of you once again began to laugh. You walked away knowing Bobby was about to lay into you, prepared to give the ‘yea, you know what, you’re right’ at the ideal moment. Surprisingly, however, he hung up the phone, cutting you off before you could. Turning towards Sam, you yelled, “I think dad’s mad at us.” 

“Ya think?” Sam said as he threw a wet sponge at your T-shirt. _That son of a bitch. He’s gonna get it now._ Wiping the stray suds off your face, you slowly picked up the sponge and stared at Sam. Noticing one hint of fear, you lunged, dousing him completely with the water bucket standing only inches away. After shaking his hair out of his face, his eye twinkled with mischief. You looked down at your swamped apparel. _White was a bad choice. Time to run._

The two of you continued until the sun set just behind the mountain, and you briefly noticed how carelessly happy you were…until a black Impala pulled into the lot. Alas, all good things must come to an end. You snapped your head just in time to see curtains shut fervently in the room just behind Dean’s car…

Someone was watching you.

“Hey, why wasn’t I invited to the wet T-shirt contest?” You ran your arm over your forehead, wiping the strands of wet hair from your face. “The judges heard about what happened last time and you’ve been banned.”, You said as you cracked a smile, but never took your eyes off the door of the Peeping Tom. “Hey, I was never criminally charged for that.” He pointed a finger at you and mirrored your grin. You walked over to the fence where two towels lay, throwing one to Sam and trying to wring out your hair with the other. Both boys grew serious at the look on your face. You gestured for them to meet you inside the room. Dean unpacked the food and the three of you gathered around the coffee table.

“What’s going on?” Sam questioned. You lowered your voice, careful of the motel’s thin walls. “I’m not 100%, but I think I caught the tail end of a stake out. Room 124 shut their curtains a bit fast for someone who wasn’t doing something suspicious.” Dean thought for a moment and then chuckled. “Y/N/N. You guys were literally having a water fight in the parking lot…You’re wearing white… It was probably just some dude trying to get his pay-per-view without the pay. Which brings me to my next point. For someone who is borderline paranoid—“

“It’s not paranoid if you’re right.” 

“—For someone who is borderline paranoid, why in the hell are you and Sam putting on a show for the whole town to see anyway?” You and Sam exchanged glances and he answered, “We were just putting the sticker on her Jeep. Got a little carried away I guess.”

“It’s on?” He lifted the curtain and peeked outside. “That’s awesome.” You were still glaring at him, unamused at the ‘paranoid’ comment. “What?”

“Well if you’re done with your Bobby impression, can we get back on point? Look I know you think it’s nothing, but seriously, I know the difference between someone being pervy and someone being suspicious.”

“Y/N. Listen to me. Not everyone is out to get us.”

“False.” 

“Look, we’ll just keep an eye out, okay? Nobody is gonna get the jump on us when we’re expecting it.”

“Fine.” You sighed in resignation, still not completely satisfied. You knew arguing with either of the Winchesters was a waste of time. You were just going to have to be careful enough for the three of you.


	2. Old Habits

The night carried on as normal, the three of you eating greasy food and watching mindless TV. You tried to relax, but your thoughts kept shifting to an unsettling place, forcing you to eye either the door or the window. Mid-inspection of whether the lock was secured, your attention was drawn to a light that had suddenly emitted from Sam’s laptop. Both boys were oblivious, so you got up and walked over to the desk.

_Mother mourns death of eldest._ The latest newspaper headline. You continued reading, checking to see if anything screamed supernatural. There was nothing outright odd about the case, but something about it was making you itch.

“Hey, I’m gonna go for a drive.” Dean _‘hmmd’_ , but Sam turned around. “Everything okay?” You gave him a reassuring look. “Yea, just need a breather.” He looked suspiciously at you, but nodded to himself anyway. You grabbed your jacket and keys and left the boys to their television.

It was just beginning to rain outside as you stepped into your jeep. You drove the necessary twenty minutes to the nearest police station. You inhaled as you parked and reached in your center console for the fake detective badge you used only for these types of cases. Your breath was still held as you entered the precinct.

“Hi, I’d like to take a look at the report concerning the single mother. Officer Johnson from Suffolk County PD.”

“May I see your badge?” You passed him the laminated card with fake credentials. You had shelled out a hefty sum and owed an intense favor to make sure your picture was attached to this particular identity. After running it through the system, he nodded and went to the back to retrieve the file. He returned with the tan folder and you grabbed it, returning his nod from before. You sat in the nearest chair, the lobby empty considering the late hour. You shook a bit as you opened the file. It didn’t matter how many times you’d done it before, the fear in your heart never faded.

_Robbed at gunpoint._

You let out the breath you’d been holding since you entered the building. After composing yourself, you stood and left the folder behind the front desk, walking out the glass doors immediately after. You shut your Jeep door and sat staring ahead. You couldn’t decide if you were relieved or disappointed. Regardless, you put the car in gear and made your way back to the motel.

It was well past midnight at this point, so you quietly closed the room door behind you, climbing onto the sofa and turning in for the night.

Fluttering your eyes open the next morning, you stretched your arms out and let out a tiny groan as your body cracked into place. You looked around and saw Sam on his laptop but no Dean. “Hey, where did Dean go?”

“Well good morning sunshine, he went to pick up some coffee and grub. You came in late last night.”

“Yea, got a bit distracted while I was out, lost track of the time.”

“Well, let’s pretend that wasn’t a lie. But I’m here for whenever you wanna talk about what’s been bugging you.” You smiled at him awkwardly and made your way to the bathroom cradling your aching uterus.

_Damn. Shark Week._

Leaving the small room, you again grabbed your keys. “Making a supply run, need anything?” Sam looked up from his laptop. “Nah, I think I’m good.”

“You gonna be okay here by yourself for a bit?”

“Well, I’m not five so I think so, yea.” He flashed a joking smile and you rolled your eyes with your own smirk, throwing an empty plastic cup at him as you left the room.

You finished your errand and drove back to the motel, but not before picking up a small pre-breakfast before Dean got back. After depositing the greasy bag of evidence in the nearest dumpster, you walked up to your room door, pausing the second the hairs on the back of your neck stood erect. Your door was ajar. Immediately grasping the gun tucked into the back of your jeans, you crouched and made your footsteps silent. Acting on an urge, you passed your room and looked into the tiny sliver between the curtains of your nosy neighbor. Everything seemed normal from what you could see. A sweater or two on the floor and a zipped suitcase in the corner. You sighed and turned to enter your room. Pushing the door open slowly with your weapon raised, you stepped inside. _Deep breaths. There could be a million reasons the door was left open. Sam is missing, maybe running an errand? Who are you kidding? Optimism is naivety in disguise._ Bobby’s lesson echoed through your head. You surveyed the room, nothing out of place at all…which only made you more suspicious. Sam wouldn’t leave without a text or a note, and Dean hadn’t even returned yet. You investigated further, entering into the bathroom. After doing the routine shower curtain push you turned to flip the lights. Your stomach dropped.

Everything in the bathroom was in perfect order, apart from a single picture scotch taped to the mirror. A brunette preteen and a blonde sister mocked you. Your arm shook as you reached toward the Polaroid and plucked it from the mirror. Flipping it over, you came to find an address.

_Sam._


	3. Siblings

You’d never driven faster. Okay, not exactly true, but it definitely ranked top three. It took you half an hour to arrive at the address from the picture. You pulled into a storage facility and took a moment to breathe in your Jeep. You could feel the familiar nausea build up in your stomach but muscled through it. There were more important things to focus on. Quietly closing your door, you walked down the aisle of metal doors. There was a thin dusting of snow on the ground, which provided perfect visibility to identify units that had been recently opened. Due to the fact that it was a one-way-in type of place, the element of surprise was not on your side. _Not a problem. Just go in smart. You’re not the same stupid kid. You’ve talked your way out of worse._ Finding the only lock that had been wiped clean from recent use, you readied your weapon.

The door rattled with a gust of wind and you used your opportunity to open it slightly, gaining earshot of what was happening inside. You could just make out Sam’s voice, along with a higher-pitched tone. Exhaling slowly, you focused on heightening your hearing to figure out what you were walking into. Sam was speaking.

“I don’t even know who you are!”

“Doesn’t matter! Look, I’m sorry okay? It’s really not about you, you’re just the bait!”

“What, Dean? Look, I’m sorry if he didn’t call you back, but don’t—“

“Not him! It’s about my sister!”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s enough talking! Y/N will be here soon anyway.”

“You’ve made a mmmmmmm--”. _Time to step in._ You slid the ribbed metal upward slowly, revealing exactly what you had feared: Sam (overly) duct taped to a chair and the only face in the world that could actually throw you off your game.

“Sarah.”

“Oh my god...you actually came. I didn’t think this would actually work...” You took a step in her direction and her eyes widened. “Don’t move!” She brandished a firearm (that she clearly had no previous experience with). “I have a gun! This gun!” She pointed it at you and you could tell even _she_ thought she was in over her head. _Keep her calm._

“I’m here. We’re all okay. You’re in charge, tell me what I can do.” You made your tone as soothing as possible, trying to de-escalate Sarah's increasingly manic state.

“What you can do? You’re asking what you can do?!? What the hell happened that night!?”

You stared at the woman losing her mind, showing no resemblance to the girl you left alone all those years ago. The memories were painful...that house...the black eyes…

“What do you want to start with?” You said. She gave a small laugh, brinking on the edge of a breakdown.

“Start with? Start with?!?! Ok, let’s see, I come home and head to my room for a few hours, come downstairs and oh look! Mom is on the kitchen floor! There’s blood everywhere and it’s dripping down _your_ fingers. You took her from me! What in the hell would possess you to--”

“A demon.”... she paused “Excuse me?”

“I didn’t kill her. It was--”

”--I thought you said your sister was dead?” You looked to see that Sam had interjected into the conversation. The duct tape had peeled off his face from the sweat pouring down his temples…

“She is?” you responded, wondering why this was relevant at the moment. He motioned with his head to Sarah. “She looks very much alive to me.” It hit you. “Wait, Sarah’s not-”

“I don’t know what kind of game you two are playing, but it’s not gonna work! Now stay focused or your brother pays for it!” You inhaled slowly, trying to comprehend how this conversation became so muddled. You weren’t related to anyone in the room for Christ’s sake! You looked back to Sarah.

“Okay, well let’s start with the fact that you’re not my sister and that’s not my brother.”

“LIAR! I heard you in the parking lot!”

_‘I think dad’s mad’…_

“Guess we found our nosy neighbor.” He muttered.

She turned the barrel towards him. “This isn’t a joke!” You glared at Sam and intercepted. “Okay. Okay. I get it. I’m here. But why bring Sam into it? You had me. You had opportunity. Why didn’t you use it when you had the chance?”

“Kill you? Death is too good for you! You ruined my life! My mom, my sister, I spent years in the system, the only thing getting me through was fantasizing about what I’d do if I ever saw you again! You deserve to know the pain of losing your family.”

Sam spoke again at this point, “We’ve all lost someone Sarah, and I know it’s hard for--”

“Sam shut up! I have it under control! (Turning back to Sarah) You think I don’t know? How do you think I got there, kid? I was just trying to help you, I swear.”  
  
“I SAW YOU! I saw the whole thing… Mom was already gone but I saw you kill Candace! In cold blood…What did she ever do to you, what did either of them do? She was sixteen! She volunteered at the senior center. What kind of monster takes that light out of the world? And why not me too? You’re not just some random psycho, you deliberately picked her…but helped me? Why? Why in the hell would you do that!?” You closed your eyes, remembering the trauma you tried so hard to repress. Shuttering, you met Sarah’s gaze.

“I know you don’t believe me, but I swear. It was a demon. It possessed Candace and killed your mom. Sam and I, that’s our job. We hunt those things.”

“Just shut up!” As she yelled, her attention was redirected to her captive. She shoved a substance from her hand into Sam’s mouth. You didn’t need to see it to know what it was. _Salt._ “This is how you did it right? Didn’t even give her a chance to breathe! How does it feel?” She turned to grab another fistful of salt and promptly shoved it in Sam’s mouth. White saliva tinted with red blood sputtered from his lips as she went for a third fistful. Your first instinct was to rush her, but she still had a grip on the gun. The next option wasn’t smart, but it was a last resort.

“I can prove it!”

The salt sprinkled to the ground and Sarah raised her gaze slowly. Her sudden lucidity immediately set off your alarms.

“Fine. Prove it. Show me a demon, and I’ll let you and Sam go right now.” _stall, stall, stall her dammit._

“I’ll do it, but you need to know. Demons are chaos, think of your worst nightmare and then top it. These things aren’t meant to be put on display.”

“What’s the big deal, you apparently took one down before, they should be a walk in the park for you.”

“Well they’re not. I need preparation, I need supplies. It’s a group effort. Are you baptized?” _Not that the last bit was relevant, but keep her talking._

“Yes. So was Candace for the record.”

“Okay, good. Are you... a... virgin?” You were really reaching at this point.

“Y/N, I’m gonna ask you one more time, or so help me I will smother Sam and shoot you. Either tell me the truth, or prove your point. I need answers.” The look in her eyes told you she wasn’t bluffing.

“Okay, fine.” _I can’t do this. This is insanity. SUMMON A DEMON?! Nope. Not gonna do it. Crap. I have to. I have to do this. The blood exceeded the saliva at this point. Coughing had stopped. Sam’s one fistful away...This is gonna be so bad._

“If we’re gonna do this, we’re gonna do this safe. I’m in control, no arguments. I need your word on that.”

“Deal.”

“Okay well first, you gotta keep it together. Any sign of distress or insecurity is like catnip to these things. They _will_ use it against you. Guarantee yourself that Candace’s name will be brought up. Probably your mom too.” Sarah nodded and closed her eyes, breathing deeply in and out. You know Sam would have objected to this whole thing...had he been conscious. Dean would’ve literally locked you up... _Crap. Dean._ You had no idea where he was, but dammit if you couldn’t use him at the moment.

“I’ll be right back. I need a few things from my car. Don’t do anything, okay? Just stay here and don’t touch Sam.” You turned your back and began to walk.

“Funny, I said the same thing about Candace.”

You closed your eyes and paused, forcing yourself to put one foot in front of the other. _Confrontation won’t help anyone, neither would guilt._

After retrieving the necessary items from your arsenal, you began to draw the Devil’s Trap, copying your notes from Bobby exactly. A bead of sweat fell from your brow, sparking an idea. You went back to the Jeep and perused your makeup bag until you found the right utensil. Waterproof mascara; to ensure the Trap couldn’t be broken by a leaky pipe or stray snowflake. _Not making that mistake again..._ It was time. You grabbed the bowl and pile of herbs, looking at Sarah.

“Okay. Last step. You still want to do this?”

“Now, Y/N.” You exhaled, throwing your match onto the bowl, setting it ablaze. Nothing happened and Sarah loaded her fist with more salt. You raised your hand as a signal to wait. You could feel it; the deep rumble within the earth, announcing the presence of Evil, itself. You closed your eyes, knowing full well what you would see the second they opened. The room went silent.


	4. De-escalation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of some very juicy Dean drama! Enjoy!

“Y/N. Sam. What is this? Delivery?”

Black eyes flashed in Sarah’s direction. She didn’t move, but you could see the fear evident in her eyes. You stepped in before things took a turn.

“Take it easy. We don’t need you, just the idea of you. Shut up so we can all get on with our day, before I get the holy water and send you back .”

You turned to Sarah, eyebrows raised. She was frozen. _Not good._ But now was the opportune moment to at least take the gun from her hand and deposit it into the back of your waistband. No one needed to get trigger happy. You took out your notes and began reciting the exorcism. The man the demon wore twitched.

“We haven’t even had any fun yet? Besides, even prisoners get a phone call. Maybe I’ll call some friends up, we can party. It’ll be grand…”

He didn’t look away from Sarah. _He knows. The weakest link._

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus—“

“You’re a smart little deviant aren’t ya? Playing the sad little girl just to get one over on a Winchester. Can’t say I’m shocked that it worked, Sam is the mushy one after all.”  
You threw a dab of holy water, which was received with a _hiss._

“Shut up. Omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio, infernalis adversarii—“

Sarah stepped forward. “How did it know that?”

“Some can read minds. Omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica.” You heard a slight moan from the devil’s trap. Looking over, you saw a malicious grin, aimed right at Sarah, the neck of the monster twitching.

“Looking for answers? I can give them to ya, kid. Mommy and Sissy for instance—“

“Shut up, you black eyed bitch.” You once again threw holy water and Sarah held her hand out.

“Wait! Let him speak!”

“Don’t listen to it. It lies and manipulates. That’s all it’s good for.”

“Am I the liar or is Y/N? She didn’t tell you what really happened until you forced it out of her. I’ll do it for free.”

“Ergo draco maledicte—“

“Y/N, stop! It’s fine, he’s trapped! I just want some answers!”

“Then I’ll give them to you! We have to send this thing back to hell, now! Et omnis legio diabolica—“

_Click._

Your waistband snapped as you turned your head and saw the barrel of Sarah’s gun. She stole it back... _Bitch._

“What. The. Hell. do you think you’re doing?”

“Just let him speak.”

“ _Him?_ That’s an it. You are in way over your head, kid. Drop the gun.”

“No.”

“Sarah. Drop. The. Gun.”

She swallowed. “No."

  
_Screw this game, I’m done._ You reached for the weapon, successfully dislodging it from her hand. Unfortunately not before Sarah fired an accidental shot. You could hear the bullet ricochet around the unit, blocking your head. Finally, there was silence, and you lifted your gaze. Two black eyes blinked, suddenly centimeters away from your own, noses almost touching. The bullet had broken the Trap. The demon smiled.

“Run.”

Thrusting his hand forward, you were slammed against the wall and held there.

Barely squeaking out, “Adjuramus te—“, the grip around your windpipe tightened. You were losing oxygen and consciousness. You tried one final attempt to kick out at the monster, but it easily avoided your effort. The last thing you saw before the black dots enveloped your vision was a figure approaching with a brown leather jacket and a gruff voice finishing the chant.

“-Audi nos!”

Your vision returned just enough to see black smoke exit the mouth of the man and burn a hole in the bottom of the unit. You looked up slowly, still processing what had happened in the last sixty seconds. A lot of it was blacked out due to lack of oxygen. Still, you stood silent, staring at Dean. He was already looking at you, the fire of a hunt still in his eyes. He turned his gaze and tensed even more, springing into action immediately. You looked toward what had caught his attention and realized that Sam had been hit by the renegade bullet. He was still unconscious and Dean ran to his side, checking for a pulse and pupil dilation. _‘I have it under control...oh god...The last thing I said to him was to shut up… compartmentalize...figure it out later. What can I control?_

Sarah also laid unconscious a few feet from you. Snapping out of the daze, you ran to her side to check for a bullet wound as well. After a thorough once over, you concluded that there was no wound to be found other than shock. You checked on Dean to find that he was shouldering Sam out of the unit and heading to the Impala. Bracing yourself, you squatted and threw Sarah over your shoulder, lifting with your legs. She was a tiny thing luckily, but you still struggled a bit to hook her inside your Jeep. Unaware of the destination, you followed Dean as he sped down the highway, pulling into the nearest hospital. _Dean doesn’t do doctors. This is bad._ You looked to your passenger seat to see that Sarah was still gone. She probably should be checked out as well.

Sitting beside an unconscious Sarah, anxieties clouded your thoughts. He hadn’t said a word to you since he exorcised the demon. That look in his eyes. _Sam could be dying right now and you’re too much of a coward to face them. This is your fault this is your fault your fault your fault your fault-_

The mental fixation was interrupted by the sound of someone stirring.

“Sarah?”

Her eyes fluttered open, taking in her surroundings and trying to recall how she got there. Her eyes met yours and went wide. Immediately you put a hand on her shoulder.  
“Take it easy okay? Just breathe. No one is here to hurt you.”

Her breath began to steady and it seemed all her memories of the night returned. Her cheeks flushed suddenly with what you took as embarrassment. There was an awkward silence until Sarah inhaled to speak.

“So. Demons.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know…I mean those eyes. Y/N, he threw you against a wall and choked you without ever touching you.”

She began breathing heavily again and all you could do was stare at her and nod.

“My whole life. I painted _you_ as the bad guy. The only thing in the dark to be scared of.

And I was so wrong…I wasted so much time.”

You prepared yourself. This moment tends to go one of two ways; either the victim picks up a Jo mentality and goes in guns blazing to try to make a difference, or gets a one-way ticket to the nuthouse. Occasionally you’d be surprised by a well-adjusted vic who would decide to take the new knowledge and continue living their lives, just a bit more on the cautious side. You held your breath to see which way Sarah would go.

“Are there others…?”

“Millions.”

“No, not demons, creatures. Is everything scary just demons or is it all real?”

You contemplated your answer. This usually defined which direction the entire conversation would go. _She spent years hunting me down. More the Jo type._

“Everything you’ve ever heard a story about is real. Mostly.”

“So what happened to Candace and my mom...there’s no stopping it, right?”

“Well there are people out there like me. Like Dean and Sam. We spend our lives fighting against all that. Doesn’t quite even the odds, but it gives us more of a chance.”

You contemplated your words, knowing that comfort wasn’t your strong suit.

“I know it’s a lot to process.”

She furrowed her brows, lost in thought. Her expression cleared and her eyes lost their luster.

“Actually, can I just be alone for a bit? I need to think.”

“Yea, no problem. I’ll grab you a soda or something.”

“Thanks.” With that, you left her room, alone with your thoughts once again.

The fluorescent lights didn’t help the current mood. You still didn’t have the guts to go check on Sam yet. To be fair, a promise was made to Sarah that should be kept. Forcing your feet as slow as they would allow, you made your way to the vending machines. As soon as you turned the corner, the last thing you wanted to see confronted your vision. A distraught Dean Winchester stood with a fist against the torn Coke logo. He had clearly just assaulted the machine. “Dammit!” echoed through the hallway. _Can I run?_ It was too late, as just a fraction of a second later, he looked up to meet your gaze. It was your turn to freeze.

“You. Here. Now.” You swallowed your panic, knowing you’d have to face him at some point. Refusing to make eye contact, you joined him at the dispenser.

“Sam’s surgery was touch and go. They put him in a coma for two days for Christ’s sake. What the hell happened in there?”

“Someone from my past resurfaced. Sam got caught in the crossfire.”, you practically whispered. He sighed and rubbed a tense hand over his stubble. “This can’t keep happening. I’m not gonna be here forever to save your asses Y/N. I mean, I’ve taught him what I can, but Lord knows that kid is a magnet for trouble. You gotta step it up. We can’t keep hurting him. I won’t.” _Ironic. Pretty sure I got my ass kicked because of you guys last week._ You furrowed your brows, knowing this wasn’t the time to get snarky. “I’m sorry. This was on me. I really thought I’d never see her again, let alone have to worry about it.”

“I don’t want to hear the excuses! These are things you’re going to have to start worrying about. When I’m gone, you’re all he’s got!”

“Ok just catch me up for a moment, I wasn’t aware I’d been initiated into your secret society?”

“Well, it’s not like there’s a lot of options for hunters out there. We have you and we have Bobby. I figured between the two of you, you can manage to at least keep him alive.”

“I didn’t sign up for that. He’s _your_ brother.” _I’d probably just get him killed._

“Are you kidding me? Why else have we been hunting together! He’s going to be _alone_ in a year.”

“Well whose fault is that!”

“I did what I did to save him. I’m his big brother, I will _always_ put his life before mine and I will _always_ take out a threat to his life. Whatever it might be.”

“Ok, are we still talking about me here?”

“Yes. ‘Cause let me tell you, if he didn’t make it out of here, you wouldn’t have either.”

“Meaning what exactly?”

“Call me old testament or whatever, but I’m very keen on an eye for an eye.”

“Be serious. We both know you aren’t capable of it.”

“I got a year left, you have no idea what I’m capable of.”

Silence overwhelmed you as that possibility sank in. _BEEP BEEP BEEP!_ Nurses running to the sound of an alarm interrupted your moment. A crash cart whooshed past the two of you...heading for Sarah’s room. A look was shared, and the two of you ran to see the commotion. The staff refused to allow anyone in the room while they tried to resuscitate. A nearby nurse was available to question. “What’s going on?”

“You’re the one who brought her in here?”

“Yeah, what happened?”

“I’m so sorry. It looks like Ms. King has injected her blood stream with air.”

“What? What does that even mean?”

“It means she gave herself a stroke by inserting an empty needle into her chest.”

Staring expressionless at the body, you felt numb.  
_Sarah’s dead. The one silver lining of that whole situation was that you got her out alive...and she killed herself...because of you. At least it wasn’t--_

A fraction of a second later, another alarm interrupted the moment. The staff that crowded in Sarah’s room quickly shuffled out yelling to each other, “Room 3748! Now, go! He’s coding!”. Your breathing stopped and ice ran through your veins.

“SAMMY!” was all he screamed as he charged out the door, his tone a jarring shriek.. He wouldn’t even look at you. You could hear the crash cart as they tried to revive him. Your body carried you to the doorway where you watched in horror as Dean screamed at the Staff to do more. _Come on, Sam._ He looked too pale. Security tried to have him removed but he was putting up a fight. You were frozen, begging for Sam to hold on. God, this was all your fault, you shouldn’t even be here witnessing this moment. But you deserved it too. The doctor started CPR by hand as the machine flatlined. You couldn’t watch this. You couldn’t watch them call another time of death. Not him. So you did what cowards do - you ran.


	5. Confrontation

You made your way over to the couch and just as you were retrieving the gun taped under it, you heard the door thrown back open…

Pulling your weapon, you weren’t exactly comforted to see the older Winchester’s face. There was a tense silence. “You really planning to use that on _me?_ ”

“Only if I have to…” Dean sighed. He looked exasperated, nothing like how you pictured. “Put the gun down Y/N/N.” You eyed him suspiciously, “Give me a reason to.”

“What do you think is gonna happen here?”

“Well that depends entirely on you.” _As long as this departure stays peaceful..._

“Jesus Y/N/N, I’m not gonna hurt ya. I just came to tell you Sam pulled through. Now let’s sit down and talk about why you felt the need to flee.”

“Don’t do that.”

“What?”

“Coddle me. I deserve to have the crap taken out of me. You said so, yourself, at the hospital. What happened to that Dean? We all know the famous Winchester reputation, I should be halfway to Canada by now. Don’t treat me like some kid who needs a therapy session.”

“Well, I don’t know what else to do here. Look, when Sammy screws up--“

“When Sammy screws up, you take care of it and vise versa. That’s not me.”

“Well I hate to break it to ya, kid, it’s you today!” You lowered your weapon but narrowed your eyes. You hated that word. Kid. _Careful Winchester…_ Dean raised a hand to calm you. “Look, I get it.” _Don’t do it. Don’t start._

“Do you? Please, I’d like nothing more than for you to tell me about _me.,_ ”

“My pleasure. You’ve been riding that high horse for a while, but guess what, bigger cases mean bigger screw-ups. We’ve all been the damsel in distress. Hell, I got less than a year left after saving Sam’s ass. But he’s alive. Then and today. We just gotta watch each other’s backs. You got mine, I got yours.” The anger in your chest rose. _You don’t know a damn thing about me. I screwed up. As in me. I don’t need some dollar store Rambo to swoop in and swap sob stories._

“Do you though?”

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t ‘have my back’. You literally just said it. Your expiration date trumps any _camaraderie_ you think we have. Don’t get me wrong, it was noble what you did. I get it, that drill sergeant mentality, protect Sammy at all costs. Wonder where you got that from... But we both know it was selfish too. _‘We can’t keep hurting him’_. I got the message; I screwed up, and that’s on me. But abandonment? That’s a special kind of hurt. One that you’ve so _nobly_ left Sam with. Now why does that sound familiar? But, hey, at least it’s not you this time, right?” _I’m wrong, but I’m also better at arguing._ Dean’s fists clenched. “You should keep your mouth shut on things you know nothing about.”

“I know a lot more than you think. I know you hate the face staring back at you in the mirror. I know you feel like you have to save everyone...a real hero’s complex. But hey, guess it comes from having to raise your baby brother… John screwed you up, Dean.” He walked up to you, raising his finger and his voice, “You think you know me?! You don’t have a damn—” He paused. “Oh…oh, I get it now.” You had begun to smirk when he yelled but your expression immediately turned to confusion. “Distraction is key right? Get me riled up to keep the attention off you… You didn’t give that whole spiel because you hate me. You pretend to hate me because you hate you.” You could feel the flames ignite in your veins as your jaw dropped. No one was allowed to profile you. This situation was getting all kinds of messed up. You felt your own fists clench and got an urge to swing at him. He backed away, lowering his hands and his voice, “I invented self-loathing sweetheart, I know all the tricks.” He looked you straight in the eye, a detail far too intimate for your liking.

“So take the night. Destroy the motel room, do what you gotta do to get it out of your system. We both know that tomorrow morning, you’ll wake up and meet us at the hospital, ready to work. You’ll leave all this self-hatred, and whatever the hell all _that_ was, here. _That’s_ the hunter I respect. I’d take her over the T-1000 any day.” With that, Dean Winchester turned and walked out the door, closing it calmly behind him. Your breaking point had been reached, but not because you had just lost your own game. It was because you realized why you were so upset in the first place. It all boiled down to respect. Sure, you cared about earning Dean and Sam’s, but you had lost it for yourself, and _Dean Winchester_ had to be the one to convince you to earn it back.

You had unconsciously wrapped your hand around the table lamp on the nightstand next to you and exhaled. Looking back where Dean had recently exited, you used your entire strength to rip it from the wall and shatter it against the wood. _Good advice._ You wanted more. In one swift motion, you swept all things off the coffee table. _Failure._ You proceeded to punch the mirror, slicing your knuckles in the process. _The moron won._ The blood was a non-issue as you knifed the curtains along with the mattresses. _You’ve lost your edge._ The television was too tempting to not smash onto the ugly green floral carpet. It mocked you. _This is why you keep that crap inside._ Pulling your weapon again, you fired several shots into it, hitting the bland art hung perfectly from the wall as well. _God, this feels great though._ Once your energy ran out, you caught your breath, sitting in the midst of the wreckage. _Get yourself together. You got work to do…Dammit._


	6. The Sarah Story

It was the first case that remotely resembled what you had been through. Single mom, two daughters. You had caught signs of demon activity in the area and tracked it to this one household. Mom was already a goner, but you were trying your damnedest to save the older sister. So here you were, in front of a demon possessing Candace. You had it trapped in a circle, just the two of you. Black eyes stared back at you. “Deja Vu Y/N? Pretty sure this is how I did it to mommy dearest and big sissy. But you know what they say, ‘when in Rome’.”

You began to recite the exorcism, it laughed. Halfway through, you heard a noise around the corner. Sarah emerged, looking around the same age as you when your life changed. “Sarah! Please! Help me! She’s crazy!” You looked back to the thing wearing Candace just in time to see Sarah running towards you, smudging the freshly drawn Devil’s Trap. _Crap. Someone needed to babyproof these things. Time to improvise._ Springing into action, you pushed Sarah to the side, knocking her into the wall. The _thud_ was louder than you’d intended and you focused your attention on her for one moment too long. She was rendered unconscious. Candace took the opportunity to make a break for it. Thinking fast, your left leg extended to intersect with the monster’s, successfully toppling it face first. The bookcase against the left wall was a tempting option to give you enough time to tend to Sarah. After tipping it and pinning Candace, you propped her little sister up to ensure the blood flow would return to normal. Her pupils dilated accordingly, confirming she hadn’t been seriously injured.

“What the hell!? Someone get this bookcase off of me! What is going on?! SARAH?!” _Good luck, she’s out cold._ “Shut up, bitch.” Kicking aside the bookcase, you flipped the meat suit over. “Who are you?!” _Must have been an actress in a past life. Her fear almost passes for genuine._ “The last face you’ll ever see. Enjoy Hell.” Grabbing a handful of salt, you shoved it down her gullet. Her scream turned into a choked gargle as she writhed around, intent to throw you off. The saliva was foaming and you felt a sense of satisfaction. This bitch was responsible for ruining your life. It was time to pay. You went for another handful as the demon tried once more, coughing out, “STOP!!” through tears. _It burns. Good._ You continued to asphyxiate the blonde with the fistfuls you were forcing into her mouth. Her thrashing got more frantic and you had to fight to hold on under the struggle. She was desperately trying to keep her lips closed but you pinched her nose, preventing oxygen unless she opened up. It backfired when the gagging intensified - she was gonna throw up. _Cue the smoke._ This was a win. Their mom was gone, but Candace would live. Sarah would be saved from the pain. _Cue the smoke…_

Something was wrong. Instead of black fog, bile and foam bubbled out, then blood. Next came the solids; tissue and pieces of tonsil. _It’s shredding the body. Why wasn’t this working?_ You paused, only to see the eyes start to roll back. _Here we go…_ You straddled the victim, ready for the force that tends to accompany expulsion. The squirming slowed. You waited…but nothing. The secretions ceased, then, the body stopped moving altogether. Candace’s eyes stared straight ahead, her torso coated in a mix of bloody foam and chunks of throat innards. No smoke...You checked for a pulse, but there was none.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” The bloodcurdling scream from Sarah knocked your senses into perspective. _There was no demon in that girl. When could it have smoked out? It was definitely in there at some point. Oh my God. I was only helping Sarah for thirty seconds! I would’ve noticed! Right?_ Your body forced you to inhale, as you had stopped breathing altogether. You slid off the...body onto the floor.

_I just killed somebody. An innocent._ You and Sarah locked eyes. _You ruined her life. You failed. You had one job, and you failed. She just watched her sister die and the monster here was you. Oh God…_ The bile built up just in time for you to vomit next to the-the body. The two of you sat for minutes or hours, having both too much and not enough time to process. You felt numb. Sarah fidgeted, reminding you that you were not the only person in distress. She was coming to, blood running down her temple. _Find something you_ can _control._ Running on autopilot, you walked into the kitchen and wet down a rag. Sarah was huddled in the fetal position, hyperventilating in the corner; you applied the towel to her wound. “Keep pressure on that.” She was as lifeless as the corpse to her left. You just stood, slowly and walked out the door, refusing to think about what you did, and what that made you…

Candace wasn’t the only human you had ever offed, but she was the first. She was the most gruesome. And the only one that still haunted you. To this day, Sam and Dean know that there was some mistake that you made regarding the King family, but they would never know the full extent; there was no way to confess that you were just as bad as the demon that had killed your family. No, that was your own personal Hell, reserved and ready… Besides, anyone else involved was now dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of this one my loves! Let me know what you thought! I love doing this work and hopefully I'll post the next one soon (just gotta get it written lol).  
> XOXO-JC


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